monster in the making

i've realized that, you like

to:

(maim, hurt, pull

medowntotheground

and climb over my

creepycrawly

body in order to boost yourself

up up

up.

send a rock sailing through

this glass that's housing the

confidense that i've been growing

eversopainstakingly.

you

stopstartstopstart,

and so I

startstopstartstop

walking with my tail between my legs,

running when i hear steps behind me.)

you thrive on it.

i do not.

one in six BILLION

you

can go ahead and stand up

now,

it's hard to pick you out,

you're one in a crowd of six billion, and

i'm starting to wonder

if i'll ever fucking find you.

i can't hear you

scratch that.

you're amplified, roaring screaming

pushing me down down down.

i crawl beneath your gaze and

drown in this pool that

has become

me myself and

i

men with mileage, men with class

because i lovelove
love,
what i cannot have.

cannibals and wildfires

i feel like i have to detach
myself from you,
before you get
bored of my words
that i spend too long conjuring.

" two shots left. one for you, one for me "

it makes me sad,
because i
wonder who would save that bullet for me.

your heart is three sizes too big.

today,

you've made me smile, laugh, dance down the street.
we've talked, whispered, fought with chairs.
i realized that during those two long years,
where we stopped holding hands, cut off connections,
i felt very blue,
unlike now,
where i feel green, like spring, like the colour of your eyes.
thank you.

today,

i didn't need your help
to break out of my many-layered shell.
but i do hope you'll come tomorrow, because
i'm really hoping for the best for you.

today,

i learned that some people remember me,
like i've wanted to be remembered.

today,

i've realized that it's easier to think of a
my life is great than a my life is awful.

today,

i understand my math homework.

blaaaaame it on the illicit activities.

gathering like sheep,
the pot-smoking booze drinking leaders of tomorrow
celebrating the hell of a ride that is

a well-rounded, structured childhood.